Episodes K01 through K21
Lyrics: Joel Hodgson and Josh Weinstein
Sung by: Joel and the Joels

Joel:
In the not-too-distant future-
Next Sunday, A.D.-
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different than you or me.
He worked in a satellite loading bay,
Just polishing switches to pay his way;
He did his job well with a cheerful face,
But his bosses didn't like him
So they shot him into space.

We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst ever made.
Joel says when you got lemons,
You make lemonade.
Now keep in mind he can't control
When the movies begin or end,
Because he used the extra parts
To make his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!
CAMBOT
SERVO
GYPSY
CROOOW!

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000."

Episodes 101 through 512
Lyrics: Joel Hodgson and Josh Weinstein
Sung by: Joel and the Joels

Joel:
In the not-too-distant future-
Next Sunday A.D.-
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonics Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him
So they shot him into space.

We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find. (la-la-la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind. (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL! (All right, let's go!)
CAMBOT (Pan left!)
GYPSY (Hi, girl!)
TOM SERVO (What a cool guy!)
CROOOW! (He's a wisecracker.)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts, (la-la-la)
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"

Episodes 513 through 624
Lyrics: The Brains
Sung by Mike Nelson

Mike:
In the not-too-distant future
Way down in Deep 13,
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank
Were hatching an Evil Scheme.
They hired a temp by the name of Mike,
Just a regular joe they didn't like.
Their experiment needed a good test case,
So they conked him on the noggin
And they shot him into space.

GET ME DOWN!!

We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find. (la-la-la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind. (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!
CAMBOT (Show yourself!)
GYPSY ('m not ready!)
TOM SERVO (H'lo there!)
CROOOW! (That's one "o"!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts, (la-la-la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"

Episodes 701 through 706
Lyrics: The Brains
Sung by Mike Nelson

Mike:
In the not too distant future
Way down in Deep 13
The evil Dr. Forrester
Was hatching a nasty scheme
He hired a temp by the name of Mike,
Just a regular joe he didn't like.
His experiment needed a good test case,
So he conked him on the noggin
And he shot him into space.

GET ME DOWN!!

I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find. (la-la-la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind. (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!
CAMBOT (Show yourself!)
GYPSY ('m not ready!)
TOM SERVO (H'lo there!)
CROOOW! (That's one "o"!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts, (la-la-la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax..."

Forrester:
"Did I tell you my mother's here?"

Mike:
"For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"

Episodes 801 through 913
Lyrics: The Brains
Sung by Mike Nelson & Mary Jo Pehl

Mike:
In the not too distant future
somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
are caught in an endless chase
Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl
an evil gal who wants to rule the world
She threw a few things in her purse
And in her rocketship she hunts him
all across the universe.

Pearl:
I'LL GET YOU!!!

I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find. (la-la-la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind. (la-la-la)

Mike:
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!
CAMBOT (You're on!)
GYPSY (Oh, my stars!)
TOM SERVO (Check me out!)
CROOOW! (I'm different!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts, (la-la-la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"

Episodes 1001 through 1013
Lyrics: The Brains
Sung by Mike Nelson & Mary Jo Pehl

Mike:
In the not too distant future
somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
are caught in a nasty place
They to survive the wrath of Pearl
just an evil gal who wants to rule the world
From her castle below, she sets her sights above
Just to torture all the captives
on the Satellite of Love

GET ME DOWN!!

Pearl:
I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find. (la-la-la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind. (la-la-la)

Mike:
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!
CAMBOT (You're on!)
GYPSY (Oh, my stars!)
TOM SERVO (Check me out!)
CROOOW! (I'm different!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts, (la-la-la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"

Lyrics courtesy of Sattleite News